I am currently in my graduating semester. While I can’t wait to get out of NUS, I am still quite confused over whether I should start working right after graduation or continue my studies for a graduate degree. And this is where my father and I often log heads.
Personally, I would prefer to start working. I want to gain more work experience. I want to take chances and try working in different environment. Through this I hope to figure out what working style would suit me best. And I want to gain a better insight and understanding of what the various departments in the company does. Based on all this, I hope to be able to make a wiser decision in choosing the type of graduate degree program. Especially, since I am considering the possibility of changing my major for my graduate degree.
My father though is a little anxious about this. He is worried that if I do take a break from my studies, I may loose interest in pursuing a graduate degree. He is also worried that if I take a break I may find it more of a challenge to adapt back to the “learning mode”. Moreover, his values and views are strongly affected by the Indian culture. And in India, the vast majority of undergraduate students leap straight into their graduate studies. So part of his argument is that if the crowd follows a path, there has to be some valid reasoning behind it.
So my father and I keep going back and forth with our arguments. I do respect my father’s view. After all he is much more experienced and has my well being at heart. But I really would prefer working first. This is not only due to my reasoning mentioned above; I also have this nagging inexplicable “gut instinct” that working is what would be right for me. I do believe that he would ultimately give me the freedom of choice, but I would definitely prefer it if I could get his whole-hearted approval. Do you think my arguments are valid or reasonable enough? Or does is father’s concern more valid? How else could I make my father see my way?
Hi lalitha,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean when you put forth your argument about being able to make a better decision regarding your graduate studies after working for a while.
However, I do have to agree that once you get out of the learning mode, it is hard to get back in. When you go along with the flow it is easier. However, do keep in mind that if you come back to graduate studies after working for a few years you will be wiser and the experience may also give you new perspectives from which you can approach your graduate studies.
So do not worry and your arguments are reasonable. So do follow your 'gut instinct' and keep at it. Your father will eventually come around when he sees that you are very clear and determined as to what you want to do with your future and will support you.
All the best!
Cheers,
Divya :)
Dear Lalitha
ReplyDeleteHow should I put this? I have the exact situation as you with regards to this issue. And surprisingly my view is the same as yours and my mother's view is the same as your father's. I guess from this, we can tell that it is a universal phenomenon. From my personal view, I think the paramount reason for different views between parents and us is experience. My mother is a professor in University, she has a number of students and she told me that most of the students, who had worked for a period of time before pursuing graduate study, could not fully commit themselves to study again and they were easily distracted by others in society. Of course, we cannot say everyone is like that. But I think most of the people have such a kind of problem. Hence, I think if you strongly believe in your self-control ability and you are quite certain about what you really want. Then go for it. After all, it is your life, and you should be the master!
Hey Lalitha, your father's concerns are no different from my father's. His reasons for feeling that way are somewhat justified (as you have mentioned) as it is the tried and tested path. Hence, he would not want you to experiment with the road less travelled which is to work first. He probably knows friends with children who have worked and decided against graduate studies. Therefore a big part of his influence could be due to the real life examples he has witnessed.
ReplyDeleteWhat you could probably do, is to break this influence of examples which potray working first in a negative light. If you know any close family friends who have worked first then entered graduate school, tell them to have a word with your father on your behalf. People who have actually done what you intend to do and succeeded nonetheless, will give your father an added confidence about your decision.
In essence, he feels you are young and unaware of the repurcussions of your decision. Another thing you could do is tell him EXACTLY what you want to do. Lay down your plans with as much detail as possible. You have to do your homework of course (: When he sees how thorough and informed you are about your own choices, he will learn to trust your decision.
I hope this helps! I know what it is like to KNOW that you should be doing something whereas the parents have other plans. However, if you display extreme confidence and assurance that you wil survive well in the working world and still pursue graduate studies, they cannot deny you your decision (:
This is overkill but CARPE DIEM! haha.
Love,
Jivs
Hi Lalitha,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I think you are right to acknowledge that your father indeed has your well being at heart. Actually, both the views of you and your father are valid in their own ways. This conflict is not so much about the intended end result but more of the ideological differences (perhaps due to generation gap).
Here, I think one way of tackling this situation is to try to acknowledge your father’s point of view and yet being able to bring across your point of view as well. To some degree, I believe your father will feel some sort of respect when he sees you agreeing with what he is trying to say. He will be glad to know that at least you can comprehend his point of view(or part of it). Then, concurrently, you should let your father know about what you are trying to say too. In this case, I must agree with Jivs that it will be perfect if you can find some notable examples to prove your point. This will then second his point that “If the crowd follows a path, there has to be some valid reasoning behind it”. In addition, to nullify his worries about you losing interest in studying after a while, you can always reassure him that it is not going to be of the case. You can stress that you are just taking a short break to re-discover your most suitable area of further study. You can also highlight that this is really a crucial break to take in order to assure a successful graduate study period.
Hope this is beneficial for your case!
Thank you, Lalitha, for presenting this very pertinet conflict. It is, as you mention, mainly a question of values, and I'd add that it is more an issue of perspective rather than one of a communication breakdown.
ReplyDeleteYour classmates have provided good feedback. Clearly, the scenario is one they can relate to.
I look forward to learning how you might resolve this.