Background: This is an application letter for a research-based internship publicized in the newspaper.
XYZ Internship Programme
Centros Company
13 Biopolis Centre
Singapore 570113
Dear Ms. Smith,
This is in response to XYZ Internship Program advertised in the The Straits Times. Attached is my resume and supporting certificates as per requested. Kindly inform me if there is any additional information required of me.
I am currently doing my Bachelor's Degree in Bioengineering and am expecting to graduate in June 2010. Through my curriculum, I have gained both theoretical knowledge and practical experience on skills relevant to the internship, such as cell culturing and imaging. Through my final year project, I gained considerable practice and knowledge in culturing and imaging techniques. Moreover, through the project I learnt to be a better team player. It taught me the importance of honesty and transparency, to expedite the progress of research, and the importance of interacting with people from different areas of expertise to gain varied opinions on the same project. I have also learnt to show great amount of perseverance from this experience.
My vast CCA experience has made me a fair team player with commendable people-skills. I was able to improve on my leadership skills through projects like the Green Carnival (’08 and ’09) which involved introducing university wide changes to introduce a more environmentally friendly collegiate life. I also got to co-chair SCIesta, a day-long camp involving for 150 students. These experiences trained me to multi-task, co-ordinate and lead.
I am sincerely interested in this internship program as the practical skills mentioned in the advertisement are relevant and appealing. As holistic as the NUS Bioengineering program can be, it falls shy in providing students certain areas of knowledge and experience; knowledge and skills that this internship program promises to provide.
If I have not convinced you enough on my desire or worth of taking up this internship, kindly give me a chance to meet you. You shall not regret it.
Warm Regards,
Lalitha
(+65-91819464)
Hi Lalitha,
ReplyDeleteI thought that your first paragraph sounds a little demanding. It is concise, but I thought that it was just a bit too direct. It gives me the impression that the letter is a request letter for necessary action to be taken. Would it be better to place the request towards the end of the letter? What do the others think?
Also, in mind of the fact that you are applying for a research position, it may be relevant to talk about what kind of imaging techniques you have learned in NUS.
Finally, with such a bold comment as "you will not regret it", you would really need to be outstanding in your interview. If you have the capability, why not?
Ronnie
Hi Lalitha,
ReplyDeleteI do agree with Ronnie that it would be better if your first paragraph can be shifted towards the end, when you are doing your closing paragraph.
Secondly, I think this sentence "Through my final year project, I gained considerable practice and knowledge in culturing and imaging techniques. " can be combined with the sentence before it as basically, they are talking about the same skill sets.
Also, I feel that you can try to be more concise and summarise all your transferable skills from your FYP in one or two short sentences instead of harping on the same issue for too tong.
For the third paragraph on the "takeaways" from CCA, it will be ideal if you can tie them back to the position you are applying for. This will substantiate your credentials to a considerable extent and provide more "flow" to your letter.
Then, I will also suggest that you look into rephrasing this part, "knowledge and experience; knowledge and skills that this internship program promises to provide." as there are a few repetitive words here which can potentially make the sentence sound clumsy.
Finally, I must say that you do have a lot of guts to try something really "outsanding" in the last paragraph. This is quite refreshing for me although I am not too sure about what Ms. Smith will think of it. It can be quite subjective and "dangerous" in this sense.
Hi Lalitha,
ReplyDeleteSome points to ponder.
1) ‘Through my curriculum, I have gained both theoretical knowledge and practical experience on skills relevant to the internship, such as cell culturing and imaging. Through my final year project, I gained considerable practice and knowledge in culturing and imaging techniques’ In my opinion, these 2 sentences are talking about the same idea. Maybe’ Through my curriculum, and especially my final year project, I have gained both theoretical knowledge and practical experience on skills relevant to the internship, such as cell culturing and imaging.’
2) In the sentence ‘…importance of honesty and transparency, to expedite the progress of research, and the importance of interacting with people from different areas…’, the second ‘importance’ could be replaced by ‘value’. It is still alright to use ‘importance’. But I think it more appropriate to not repeat a word in the same sentence unless necessary. What does the others think?
3) ‘a day-long camp involving for 150 students’. I think ‘for’ should be dropped.
I do like the unconventional ending. Although I feel it rather too aggressive. Your letter is well written and your experiences and CCA was brought across clearly. Good job!!
Jon
Hey Lalitha,
ReplyDeleteI liked the way you ended off. It was very unique and confident. And I also really liked the way you presented the flaws of the engineering programme and showed how you wish do to do something about it. It also tied in very well with your argument as to why the employer should choose you for the internship.
With regards to the organisation of the letter, perhaps the last or last two sentences of the first paragraph could be shifted to the last paragraph.
And maybe you could include the date of the letter at the top with the recipient's details.
Otherwise it was a good letter! :)